sick, still sick. wonder what I ate that set it off yesterday, since I was beginning to get well too - was it the cold air? (but I was wrapped warmly, even with a hat and double scarf) the food? (pineapple tarts... but I only had 2; maybe the lobster, but I only had a small piece everything else was just beehoon and rice and I avoided anything deepfried) Anyway all I wanted to do is :( :( :( swollen lymph nodes and tonsils, urgh so much pain, so annoying, etc etc
most depressingly I'm running out of lozenges and painkillers soon, and I don't look forward to it
ok whiny post is whiny
off to try and nap again
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 01:56 p.m.+
........... that awkward feeling when you want to hit on a guy that is 16 years older. um. *pauses* Anyway. Its not like we see each other often. Therefore. Ignore. (plus he told me to date L. WAT. NO. it's like going out with my own brother. NO.)
I'm kinda meh about being back in school, and yet excited. the meh part comes from when I was talking to V, and it was kinda obvious that she wasn't happy for me and well, insurmountable distance etc etc idk, it was weird how she was putting down my excitement over the project ("oh I decided to cut all ties in china when I came over") and how she was "more" of an artist than I was because she didn't accept impure work/working for the govt. ("oh, I was offered an important project as well, but I turned it down") and I was all kinda WAT over it. Like. dude. I thought. well. I guess we aren't friends after all.
CNY dinner with sg people was good; ate pineapple tarts and beehoon, plus a lot of clementimes. I think I have a bit of sore throat (again!) just when I was feeling better cos I couldn't stop snacking on them.... terrible self, so masohistic but oh, they were so good. Wore my new nazgul sweater-dress out today as well, it's really warm! I was surprised at how warm it is. It was snowing buckets today, but all I wore was t-shirt + nazgul sweater+jeans+coat and I was pretty good to go. The only thing is that it sheds like hell, but it's worth it for the sheer warmth and fluffyness. Plus I think it makes me look 100000x levels of coolness, aka. deatheater-meets-nazgul awesomelook xDDD
going to sleep now
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 02:50 a.m.+
Reading a lot of gibson lately, this line: "technomadic Gibsonian protagonists "with rootedness in the virtual rather than the real" who "find their true homes in the non-spatial reaches of digital networks" just makes me nod, and go - yes yes, there it is
Snow today, it looks beautiful - large wintry flakes like icing on a grey cake, making everything look postcard perfect beautiful. Most of all is how it looks like in twilight, glowing whiteness illuminating the edges of stills, like whiteout edges or Auerbach drawings; erasures on charcoal. I like winter, not because of the cold (it makes me feel sick) but because it seems like this city only comes alive with snow. I forget about the grey, the ugliness, the rats on the subway and high taxes and give into the city that dreamed up Gotham and art deco and Citizen Kane - give over to the dream that enthralled so many before, and ever more. A vintage dream supersede on reality, you walk across the junctions that Ford might have walked across the very same sky you're dreaming in Pollack.
School starting in a day, don't know what to feel. Wrapped up in my nazgul sweater, I fly across snow laden streets like a black scrap of shadow.
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 05:12 p.m.+
It's weird, I've been humming island music all day. hello my love, it's getting cold on this island
It's so cold today, I watched dawn start from my window - not real dawn, just reflected off buildings; warm orange light on dirty blue glass; prisms of reflections. I watched from the side of my bedroom window (living room really), watching just like in the evenings I watch the offices across me - like dollhouses playacting real life.
It's kinda weird, living in an apartment from Hitchcock's movie.
Even now, he's in there, still in his office, at 10.30pm on a Thursday night.
Went to the doctor's today, walked there. I did a small loop, cutting across Ktown so I could pick up sponge cake again then dropped by 12F to check if clive or ted was there just to say hi. They weren't, but it's OK. Signed in with ISS, and registered my alien presence with revelant authorities then headed to the medical clinic. Surprisingly the drop-in wait was pretty short, and most interesting was how they made me fill up this huge stack of forms about medical history and everything - it's so comprehensive how much the school really *does* care about you; questions about depression and body image, history of blood pressure and everything under the sun etc etc etc
Weird as fuck but ever since I've heard that ff0 rendition I've been humming PoTC's davy jone's epic theme song complete with crazy organ bells. I love that theme, it always sounds like how it looks like, and how it looks like is like how it sounds (somehow, it should be EPICALLY played; anything less is unworthy.) I love the Hoist the Colours remix with Up is Down as well; it sounds freakin' glorious
Settling down fine, but feeling antsy and just the slightest tinge of rebellion. I think I go through periods like this, this restless energy that just collects and collects, like some transitive stage the way it feels like half your mind is still stuck in the airport departure lounge while your feet is itching to run 9000 miles away.
Had a quesadilla today though, t'was good<3
somehow I never feel properly in new york until I had a quesadilla/burrito. Seems more proper, suchlike.
anyway going to sleep now
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:32 p.m.+
Coughing and achey still, urgh when will this ever end? I really hate being sick. Very energy draining... yesterday I fell asleep at 9.30pm! can you imagine? It was like total knockout D:
Anyway I got most of my errands cleared yesterday which is good. First up; morning went to post office to send off the chocolate chess jsk, then walked to K-town to pick up some nessescities aka. kimchi, eggs and stopped by the bakery for some sponge cake<3 Went home, dropped it off, fixed a quick lunch (soba, egg) and then went to meet Dave at 2pm but he was fantabulously late cos of the SOPA/PIPA protests..... which meant that I was late to meeting Shaan and Yong Lee at the cinema to watch sherlock. Anyway it turned out well, except by then I was coughing my lungs out and it was SO. COLD. OMFG. so instead of walking we subway'ed uptown for dinner - Shaan had fried rice, I had seafood noodle soup and Yong Lee has kimchi-something with rice and it came up to.... 11.95 a person. WINNNNNN~~~<3 Can I declare how much I like ktown? It's near, serves great food and.... bakeries!!!!1111oneoneneone I<3strawberrycaek~~~ I think this year I'll buy myself strawberry matcha chiffon and white roses for my birthday
The meeting with Dave went well which was good, he told me to be 'bolder' in my work and I'm like idk, story of Icarus, be cautious? don't fly too near the sun? but he was pretty nice about it overall, and apparently I have to write an email to him stating my intentions and how I would go about creating a syllabus for myself etc etc paperwork moar paperwork
ok lah, don't really mind
FOR THE GREATER GOOD!!!!
Anyway I'm curled up nice and warm in the apartment, don't feel like going out at all EXCEPT I should pobably go see a doctor and sign in with ISS at the same time. Frankly the furthest I want to walk to is my room to the bathroom and back again :/ dressing up in winter is fun but so much work
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 08:15 a.m.+
It's william gibson kinda day.
what a year.
I've been neglecting blogging, which is rather wilful of me but then again..... have you ever felt like that? the sense of fallowing, the earth blanketed with hay and all the soft things asleep inside - from the worms to the weeds, to the colour of the sky - soft dove grey wrapping the sleeping earth, in fallows. Colours of mustard, it tells you that the time is not now, just sleep child.
I've been feeling that, since I came here. Nothing producing, nothing birthing; everywhere, the landscape inside was asleep. I didn't take a single picture, didn't make any meaningful drawings, whatever work I did was pushed out without yurameki - painful and souless, like wearing high heels on a beach.
but today... today I think, maybe, I can feel it a bit more. I think I can finally smell something, in the air - that yes this is the smell of new york, that kernel of understanding of where I am, the place, in me. Maybe it's the fact that new york only truly seems alive in winter, like dreams of snow and ice and fairytale, and lies dead from sunshine in summer. I don't know why but finally things are beginning to make sense; the taste of wind is sharp and bitter and as the nights grow longer and longer the dreams stretch like tracks beneath my feet that I can run forever in
What that I get, this smell of new york - the stink of humanity, the wet rain that smells like cruelty and rubbery exhaust, the slick of pavements glitter with trains roaring beneath; aging monsters with hot gysers of steam, through the cracks and seams like grumpy horrors and wind that tastes like brittle cruelty. Brittle. that's the taste I get the most of. I think. New york is like salt.
maybe that's why I never feel comfortable enough here, I was never one for salt.
Anyway things are moving fast now, and I hope - more will be illuminated soon. You can't force understanding to come faster, so might as well enjoy being ignorant while you can. After all, it is a kind of bliss?
love
tsu
+tsu waited for you at 10:36 p.m.+
